Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
