No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
