a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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