i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
