I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
