Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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