Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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