xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
