I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
