I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
