She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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