I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
