If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
