i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
