I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
