Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
