using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
