You made me cry and you don't even care
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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