i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
