At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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