You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
