i think my mom watched the whole time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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