those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
