Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
