2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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