Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
