she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
