the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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