i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
