She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
