Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Randomize
