Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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