2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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