I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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