it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
