if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
