That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
