peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
