My friends, they love my intelligence
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
