I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
