girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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