Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need to stop coming to work sober
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What drink are we having for lunch?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
