i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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