dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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