I am puke
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
