WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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