i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
