she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
