Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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