I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
