I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
