thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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