If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
