the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
